Thoughts on Jaws, 39 Years Later
Yes, that’s right, I’ve never seen Jaws. It was on TV late last night and I thought, “Why not stay up until 2 AM and watch this movie about a monster shark?” This will feature spoiler alerts, so if you’ve been living under a rock the past 23 years, like I have, I advise not reading this.
Never trust a man who literally eats, breathes, sleeps, and goes to the beach in a suit.
The mayor in Jaws is clearly untrustworthy. I mean, does this guy ever take his ridiculous suits off? Even Neil Patrick Harris would have to tell the mayor that there are times when a suit is not appropriate. Red flag #1? The suit with tiny anchors all over it, mixed with a tie that doesn’t even relatively match. Outrageous. That should have been a huge warning sign to the police chief that the mayor was more concerned with making money than maintaining the safety of his town. If the mayor is pressuring you to get into the water, while he does not even think about stripping down into anything less than a three-piece suit, you might need to look him dead in the eye and say “You get in first.” The mayor should have been satisfied enough by the fact that people even showed up to the beach after little Timmy got eaten alive in front of a crowd of beach-goers. There were literally 300 people on the beach during the 4th of July scene, but no… this wasn’t good enough for him. He needed everyone to have fun in the shark infested waters. Talk about someone who is hard to please.
Getting drunk on a boat is always a good idea…
Unless there is a giant shark in the water that you are supposed to be saving the whole town from. Are you serious? Who does that? These three guys are responsible for capturing the sea beast, yet they feel it is a great idea to get wasted while doing so. They get drunk, they show battle scars, the captain tells his war story, and they start singing old sailor songs. At this point, I felt like every single one of them deserved to be eaten alive. I wanted the police chief to be eaten alive for nonchalantly lifting his shirt up, revealing a HUGE scar and not saying anything about it. I wanted the captain to be eaten alive because half the time I wasn’t sure if he was speaking English. Finally, I wanted the scientist to be eaten alive because he was just flat-out annoying.
Marry someone who likes to get drunk with you.
The police chief and his wife both share an affinity for getting drunk and I quote, “fooling around.” I really like that they decided to keep this element in their marriage, which is bound to keep things interesting. That’s my kind of couple.
By the end of the movie, I felt like everyone had went absolutely crazy. I hope the police chief and the scientist were paddling straight to the mental institution because they certainly needed to after all that trauma. Neither of them even seemed concerned that their companion was eaten alive in front of them. The captain had just shared a really intimate moment with them, but it’s no big deal, right? Or with the fact that they just obliterated a three ton shark. They just laughed it off like a bunch of good ole boys, ’cause that’s what friends do.
Why did the shark just eat one eye out of that guy’s head?
The shark didn’t seem to show any careful precision in ripping people in half at any other time in the movie. I’m talking about the part where the scientist goes under the boat and the guy pops out and the shark has just eaten one of the dude’s eyes. There’s no way a shark has enough self control to just eat one eye out of a person’s head. I will admit, that scene scared the shit out of me.
The camera work is phenomenal. That’s enough of a reason to watch the movie.
When they are leaving on the boat and going out in the ocean to capture their foe, it is shot through the jaw bone of a shark. It’s just really cool. It makes you think, “Oh, buddy, what are they about to get themselves into? They are literally going into the mouth of a shark…” Spielberg has multiple scenes like this and the camera work is enough to cause the viewer to feel complete anxiety over what is about to happen next.
I’m never going in the ocean again.