- The Sneaky One.
This guy presents you with five pictures, all of which feature three of the same guys. It is your job to figure out which guy he actually is. Hint: he isn’t the cute one. This is obviously the oldest trick in the book. His insightful bio reads:
19, Random fraternity, Beer, God, ‘Merica.
- The Swinger.
The swinger profile is actually very amusing. The first picture will be of a couple, so that automatically makes you think, “What’s going on here?” You scroll down to see:
Married. Wife knows I’m on Tinder. We don’t want any drama, just looking for someone cool to hangout with. Polyamorous. I DO NOT PUT UP WITH DRAMA.
What the description should have said was:
Married. Totally bored. Wife doesn’t know. Please don’t tell her I’m on Tinder. We will probably never meet up, but I just want someone to chat with. Can you please not tell her I’m on Tinder? Seriously… she cannot find out about this.
- The Extreme Sports Lover/Traveler.
This guy is going to force you to sky dive or cliff jump. That actually sounds kind of fun, but you have a 50/50 chance of dying with this adrenaline junkie. Seems pretty interesting:
YOLO! 24, I love adventure, jumping out of planes, spent 2 years as a monk in Thailand. Currently in New Guinea, hit me up if you are a local.
- The Proud Dad.
Proud dad isn’t quite sure what he is doing on Tinder. More than likely he got married way too young and now he is struggling with his divorce and raising a kid that he is totally unprepared to raise. He is trying to find his child a new mother. Good luck on Tinder. I know this might come as a surprise, but some people don’t use Tinder for finding the love of their life. He lays it all out there:
Just got a divorce. She was a bitch. Blessed with a beautiful baby girl. She’s my life. Looking for a woman who knows how to cook.
- The Gym Rat.
This guy is looking to win every Buff Guy contest out there. Every single one of his pictures features a mirror selfie at the gym. He probably has a really ugly face, but an amazing body.
5’7, Workout every day. Beast mode. Fitness is life. Love to eat healthy. Working out is a lifestyle and it is a choice to define your mind, body, and soul. Looking for a girl who lifts. Fitness barbies, to apply – swipe right.
- The Sensual One.
This guy is so DTF that he can’t even wear clothes for his pictures. All of his pictures take place in his bathroom mirror. The white towel wrapped around his body, screams the lyrics of “The Whisper Song” by the Ying Yang Twins. He’s like a bad car accident and you have to watch. The look on your face after you read his profile and swipe through his pictures is kinda like – :/. He puts it pretty simply:
- Le Hipster.
Le Hipster sports a beard or mustache, glasses, a jean jacket, and a musical instrument. All of their pictures are in sepia. Be careful, they are extremely deep.
Hemingway. Music. Coffee. Stone washed jeans.
- The Catfish.
One day I came across a Mr. Storm Ripdog. Storm is literally Tinder gold and everything I’m looking for in a man. I swiped left because I felt like I’d probably fall in love with him and then I’d have to call Nev from Catfish and be like, “Look, I fell in love with this guy named Storm Ripdog and I’ve only seen one picture of him, but I know in my heart Storm is legitimate.” Unrequited love is literally the worst feeling. I’m really sorry Storm, but we can never be. I won’t be able to handle it if I find out you are 700 lbs and not the man I thought I knew. Storm’s heart-stopping profile read word for word:
Storm Ripdog here. Sexy firefighter by day and equally sexy lover of women at night ;).
- The Comedian.
This guy has it half right. He knows the key to a woman’s heart is through humor, but his jokes are awful. His stabs at comedy are almost painful and your face is left in a kind of twisted up puzzled look. Trying extremely hard, he writes:
Nerd. Funny guy. I’ll tell you bad jokes until you get become physically ill. How do you catch a unique rabbit? Swipe right to find out. Take a chance. I’m begging you.
- The Guy who has a Picture with a Hot Girl.
Desperation doesn’t even begin to describe this person. He is trying so hard to be the cool guy that he can’t properly function anymore. In his pictures, he is stuck between two Hooter’s models or a female that somehow agreed to take a picture with him after he gave her like 20 dollars. The remainder of his pictures feature him doing wheelies on his lime green street bike. His bio is sure to make the panties drop:
Babes, models, crotch-rockets, making money, hu$tler.