Most of the time when you start dating someone, what you see in the first few months is a facade of that person with a halo surrounded around them. It isn’t until later that you realize that the real person, the person underneath the shiny newness of a relationship, is a lot uglier than what you anticipated. Here are several ways to know when it is time to take your relationship out back and shoot it (Old Yeller style):
1. If you are reading this post and looking for answers.
Honestly, what are you doing looking at this post in the first place, other than seeking advice from someone else who will tell you all the signs of your relationship being over? Personal experience with a bad relationship allowed me to gain a new best friend during the dark hours of the night: Google. Common searches included: “Does he still love me?” “Can you fix a broken relationship?” and “Signs of cheating.” I don’t need to go into all the pathetic details of that pitch black period of my life, but the point is – if you feel like your relationship is done, it probably is. Use your intuition and if it doesn’t feel right, go with your gut. If you are searching for answers that you can’t seem to find, you need to reevaluate your situation. Breaking up IS hard to do, Neil Sedaka, but breaking up only hurts for awhile. Cliché, but true.
2. Utter annoyance/Constantly being in pissed off mood.
It might be a sign to let go when every little thing your partner says or does induces a migraine the size of Russia. Towards the end of my last relationship, I was a total bitch to my boyfriend because I was hurt. I was mad at myself, I was mad at him, I was mad at everyone. I remember I went out to dinner with my mom once after getting into a fight with my boyfriend and ended up snapping at the waitress. My mom looked at me and was like, “Hey, uh… WTF is wrong with you? You can’t treat people like that.” I ended up having a huge slice of humble pie that day and apologizing to the woman who got yelled at for no reason. Relationships are not supposed to make you pissed off at the world like an angsty teenage girl that just started her period for the first time, although being in an unhealthy relationship will lead you to believe that this behavior is normal.
3. Losing friends.
I have the most recent experience with this one in particular. I lost one of my best friends because I got thrown into the drama of her downward spiraling relationship. Long story short, bad relationships will cause you to loose the people you are closest to. Your friends are there to support you, laugh with you, cry with you, tell you how fugly the girl your boyfriend was talking to was, but when they get hurt in the process and they feel like they have completely lost their friend to an abusive, manipulative, POS, your friends will probably pick their own sanity/safety over your own. Your friends will know all the intimate details about how this person treats you like crap, so don’t expect them to experience a feeling of ecstasy when you tell them that you are back together. Love is blind and most of the time your friends will be able to see what you are absolutely immune to. Listen to them and don’t do the type of listening where you agree with all of their comments and then continue your horrid relationship in the exact same manner.
4. Realizing “The One” doesn’t act like “The One” anymore.
People these days get into relationships and stick around forever based on the concept that this person is “The One.” Why? Because that person wooed and wowed you to get you to actually believe that. Humans are conniving and sometimes downright dirty dogs. Manipulative people use this classic trick to make you think that one day they will change back into the person you first met. First hand experience – that trip to Greece is never coming back, neither is the feeling of falling in love for the first time. Get rid of the sociopath you are with and get back on track to finding someone who is actually real and means it when they say they love you.
5. Loss of interest.
Are you out at dinner and your boyfriend is on his Iphone the entire time? Are you trying to carry a conversation and it keeps going dead? Do you try to do activities that you know your partner loves to do and they make up some reason why they can’t? If you answered yes to any of these, you might need to do some serious checking up on this. When I first started dating my ex, he genuinely seemed interested in what was going on in my life. We did everything together and had a great time but somewhere after the dreaded six months mark, things started to slip. I noticed his behavior slowly began to center around him and not around US. He expected me to begin a life of servitude that I would never quite be ready for. A relationship should never feel like a job that you dread going to. The person you are with should actually be interested in you beyond reasons of just using you.
6. Threatening to break-up.
Receiving threats on the daily is a sign that this relationship is starting to falter. I make it a rule to never say, “Well if you don’t do this or that I’m going to break-up with you.” First of all, first grade ended several years ago and I’ve matured a lot since then. Second of all, if someone says this to me, my immediate reaction is to laugh in their face and do the exact opposite of whatever they told me not to do. As soon as this “threatening to break-up” stage starts, it’s all downhill from there. Before you know it, you will be rolling down that hill at about 175 mph and begging for this madness to stop.
7. Fighting dirty.
Fighting is normal for any couple. That’s a given, but fighting dirty is different. When you begin to say really hurtful things to your partner, that’s when it is time to call it quits. Once the sentence, “I wish we never met” enters the arena, just go ahead and cue Keith Urban’s “You’ll Think of Me,” pack your bags, and start apartment searching. People say things they don’t mean when they are angry, but think before you speak. Don’t taunt the other person by saying, “Well, I always thought your best friend was hotter” (an actual statement someone has said to me). What we say always has consequences and as someone once told me, “I’ve been through enough bullshit in my life that I’m not willing to put up with anymore of it.” Touche, my friend.
8. Social media stalking/Thoughts of murder.
We all participate in a little social media stalking, but when it becomes an obsession, let it go. You are not an FBI agent who is launching an investigation on every woman your boyfriend has ever talked to. If you are this jealous/psycho, you need to get evaluated immediately for mental illness. I once had a friend who saw her boyfriend outside of a bar talking to another girl and decided to attempt to run him over. As she pushed the petal to the floor, I screamed, “I DON’T WANT TO BE AN ACCOMPLICE TO MURDER!!!” If you are unable to trust anything your significant other does, find someone who is trustworthy. If you are worried that you may be facing capital murder charges once your boyfriend cheats on you, you might need to save yourself before it is too late. Orange is not the new black, although I do love that show…